Decisions Decisions

Make decisions based on fear, and you will live a life of fear. Make decisions based on the joy of being you, and you will live a life of joy...being you.

The Past Rules, The Future Drools

One of my favorite quotes from Dr. Phil:

"Relationships are built with history and time.

They're not just assigned."

One of the things I've had to learn the hard way is to look to past behaviors and take them seriously. Whether it comes to myself, or my spouse, or my children, or other people - I HAVE to take a real look at the facts instead of dreamily hoping that the future will just eventually "work itself out."

Women like to help and fix people. Women care. Women are nurturers. For me, one of my biggest strengths has been believing the best about people until proven otherwise. But that has also been my

biggest weakness and my greatest downfall. Trusting people unconditionally is not wise, unless they have a proven track-record to back it up. But even then, it's always conditional. Trust IS conditional. 

"The wise man forsees the evil and hides himself, but the simple pass on and are punished." Now, we can't be expected to become fortune tellers, to literally "see the future". I don't believe that's what this Proverb is saying at all. Common sense tells me that the best predictor of the future is the past. I've been to real estate classes, where there are graphs shown, covering the past 10 years of house sales. The lines move up and down, and are used to calculate the next 10 years. That's how real estate investors make money. This is how true "success" is achieved. And I believe this TOTALLY APPLIES TO RELATIONSHIPS. 

As I willingly and humbly look back on my own behavior, choices, and my current situation, I can see patterns that either led to success or failure. I have the opportunity to adjust those behaviors and choices to alter outcomes for greater success and less failure in the future. 

But when it comes to other people, I have no control over their decisions, their success, or their failures. If I assume that things will "just get better" when relationships are in the ditch, I am being naïve and irresponsible. For instance, promises of change from a cheating spouse don't mean anything without calculated and committed effort. If there are not significant and consistent changes, then there will not be different results. Believing the best can actually be foolish rather than honorable. 

If I open my eyes to the success and failures of others, I can identify with some accuracy - the behaviors and choices that produced their results. This is how counselors work.

WHEN WORKING ON RESTORING BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS, there has to be an acknowledgement that it will take time and a proven track-record of consistent and positive behavior in order to create a predictable, healthy dynamic. We can't just wake up one day and decide: "This relationship is going to be good from now on." Relationships are always 2-sided. It takes both individuals doing their part. It takes 2 hearts that operate in truth and integrity. 

With time, relationships can be fixed or restored. Marriages, parent-child relationships, and all others are a product of history. Wasting time hoping the future gets better can distract from creating the real foundation of relationships. Being starry-eyed and idealistic about life can give motivation to achieve and move forward, but it should never be the source of predicting the outcome of a relationship dynamic. Real prediction-worthy data lies in the past. 

I want to be positive. But I will also be responsible.  

Sunrise

"What's the mood, the vibe for today, Sunrise?"

I have started peaking out the back sliding door in the mornings to catch the sunrise for a few moments. It's amazing what healing energy permeates my mind and emotions as I simply check out the unique "mood" of the morning in the way the sun's rays hit the clouds and sky. It's different every time. It's beautiful every time. Even on a cloudy day, I never remember an UGLY sunrise.

There are so many variations in the beauty of sunrise. There is no wrong way for the sun, sky, and clouds to meet up. There's no deception, no curses, no worry, no poverty. There is an endless supply of wealth behind each sunrise. It's amazing how much money goes into a Hollywood movie, yet the "special effects" of sunrise are free of charge. There is no concern that tomorrow there will be no more sun. It's always there, somewhere. And there WILL BE LIGHT. There is nothing condemning about a sunrise. It's there for me, no matter how much of a failure I am. It reminds me that some things are always constant, that there is a GOD above and beyond it all, and that good is stronger, independent of everything else. The sunrise gives light, which eliminates all traces of darkness.

I love the sunrise. Most people in America don't have time to catch the beautiful, simple moments in nature. We're late for work. We have a headache, and the stupid coffee maker broke down. The kids are not hustling, they're back-talking, and they missed the school-bus. We find out our best friend has been lying to us, and we have a shopping date tomorrow. Who has time to appreciate a sunrise? What's the point?

The point is...because it's something good that cannot be affected or destroyed by everyday negativity and darkness. Anything that helps inspiration take the place of dwelling on problems...deserves at least a few seconds of our time. What if we all did this every morning? What would the energy/dynamic in the world look like in a year?

This is one way I have chosen to light my candle in the world. I now NOTICE the sunrise, and I thank God for how awesome it is.

Random Frustrations

So lately, my hubby & I have gotten a kick out of watching the "I Ain't Doin' It" clips on YouTube. Humor has a magical power of taking the edge off everyday frustrations. So here's one that gets me every time:

DIRTY DISHES PILED UP!

It's just part of life-as-we-know it. With a house full of kids & two parents that work different schedules, you might say it's NOT A VERY SMOOTH RIDE! 

Enjoy...

The "Source"

Some of us are people of purpose. Some of us are people of strength. Some of us are people of joy. All these things come from the same Source.

It is of great importance to me that I continuously develop a deepening knowledge of the love and personal nature of God. The perfect Father, Creator, Lover, Friend, Healer, Teacher, and Life Source. 

I've recently been blessed to study some wonderful teaching on life strategies and just good old fashioned common sense and life-management skills. This song by Natalie Grant hit me at a time when I have been immersing myself in getting RESULTS out of life. There is a greater importance of attaching myself to the ONE SOURCE who holds all my future and all my desires. A relationship with Him is what propels me forward, not some twisted sense of success, achievement, or financial freedom. If I have HIM, I have everything.

When I meditate, it will be empty and fruitless if I do not tap into the Holy Spirit and truly allow HIS presence to flow in and through me. 

When I study, it will be useless if I do not pray and listen for God to tell me exactly how He wants me to apply what I am learning in the real world with the real people around me. 

When I pray, it will be without transformation if my mind is closed to the renewal that God wants to bring into my thought patterns and my every-day behaviors. 

It all comes back to a relationship. 

Lessons From the Wal-Mart Grocery Delivery...

THE EARLY YEARS...

For years I would choose recipes, write out ingredient/shopping lists, and stop at all the cheapest stores...often with my children. This was especially difficult when I had a 2 year old, a 1 year old, and a newborn in a carry-car-seat. I needed a whole extra cart JUST to hold my children so they didn't run off or get underfoot in the stores. We'd typically stop at Aldi, Wal-Mart, and Dillons or some other place that had a deal or coupon I needed to get it on. If you're counting with me...that's 24 times buckling and unbuckling children. Not to mention how many times I had to lift kids in and out of carts, load and unload groceries, stop at the bathroom, etc.

Every time, I would feel guilty for ONLY being able to grocery shop, and then plopping onto the couch feeling burnt out for the rest of the day. Plus...I'd feel guilty for always going over budget with a few things "for me" because I felt like I deserved it after all that!

It never even crossed my mind to decide, "This is unreasonable. I'm not doing it. Let's find another way." I just recklessly pushed ahead, because I believed that it was expected of me.

Why didn't I just ask someone to come with me, or watch my kids for me? Because my mind was so closed to anything different. And I'll be honest. Every other mom in my circle seemed to be doing just fine, so I had to measure up. I had already decided that I deserved the way things were, and that I was selfish to try to make anything easier or better for myself. In my mind, being discontent with how hard my life was meant that I was ungrateful and didn't appreciate my babies or the life God had given me. I didn't believe that I needed to find a better option, or help. I believed that I needed to simply find a way to endure it. Asking questions or seeking something easier equaled defiance against God. Yes, I was super-religious about EVERYTHING. LOL!

BEFORE AND AFTER...

Years later, I no longer have a cartload of babies everywhere I go, but I remember how tired and helpless I felt. It took a lot of ridiculous, extreme situations like that for me to wake up and realize that I didn't have to do it all in order to be good enough. I didn't have to prove how much I could handle...to anyone! But I didn't understand that. I do now.

I'll never forget the 1st time I drove into the Wal-Mart grocery pick-up area. All I'd done was clicked the products on my laptop (on the website) as I jotted down a short list of meals, while drinking my coffee that morning. A lady came out with my bagged, paid for groceries AND loaded it into my trunk for me. Done.

I was almost traumatized by the ease and speed I had just experienced. And it was free. Plus...I'd stayed under budget. So I had an epiphany. If it's this easy, what was I thinking before? Why did I not look around or reach out for something like this?

Grocery shopping was always for THEM. It was never for ME. It was my duty to my family. My whole mindset changed that day. I realized that it's completely reasonable and attainable to search for ways to make things easier for myself. In fact, I deserve it. I started thinking about ME! I started asking myself what I really wanted to eat, what's a healthier option, and who else might even be able to pick it up for me, unload it, and put it all away. I probably spend about a tenth of the effort now that I used to. And most importantly...I DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT.

One other thing...I NEVER GROCERY SHOP WITH MY CHILDREN. (you know...unless it's a special occasion or we're just grabbing some dog food & a snow cone) There is no need to walk up and down the aisles of stores, with cranky kids, while trying to find 100 items, and remember how much money I'm spending. That's for OCD over-achievers.

Who was that crazy woman back then anyways?  Giggles.

Blogging Plans for 2018

So! I have several areas of life that I want to improve upon in 2018. And this year, my word is EMPOWER. I am setting out to empower myself, and subsequently, my family as well. My own efforts to take care of ME, should trickle down to the people I love in a much healthier and much more effective way.

This year, I'm putting myself first! I've never done this before. So it's going to be an adventure. I'm not a selfish person, but it's time for me to become so. Hehe.

Each week, I will be posting on each of the following topics:

FOOD and/or WELLNESS

SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT

RELATIONSHIPS

These areas may cross over and will have some give and take of course, but overall they cover all the corners of life where I need EMPOWERED!

I will be posting on the 1st topic around Monday/Tuesday, the 2nd topic on Wednesdays/Thursdays, and the last topic on the weekend. Hopefully it will be consistent. But no promises. I am committed to allowing myself flexibility and making sure that everything I do EMPOWERS me to live life to the fullest. If this doesn't work for me, I will stop and change course. But I think this plan is going to be an excellent springboard for focus and wisdom when it comes to "TAKING BACK MY TOMORROW" - the theme I've finally chosen for my blog.

It's all about taking back our power and taking responsibility for our choices, talents, and opportunities.

I get to choose how my body is treated and cared for.
I get to choose what I think, feel, and believe.
I get to choose how I interact with others.

So excited for the new year! Bring it on Jesus! I'm ready.

The Disguise of Wealth

Money seems to be the answer to so many problems. If we are bored, money can buy a new toy. If we are lonely, money can put on an awesome Christmas party. But a new toy or a Christmas party won't fulfill our deeper needs.

If we're bored, what we really need is something worthwhile to pour ourselves into. Our soul is saying, "Give me something I can be proud of doing!" If we're lonely, what we really need is someone to accept us and resonate with us where we're at. Our soul is saying, "Give me someone who can connect with me and share my burdens."

MONEY has a way of disguising the truth, and providing false solutions to our issues.

I don't believe that money is evil. But the LOVE of money IS. The belief that money holds the key to our happiness, health, transformation, and fulfillment is one of the biggest lies in America.

The American Dream is a lie in and of itself. Unfortunately, our country has replaced the essence of true fulfillment with the possession of things. Home owners are considered "better off" than renters. It is more coveted to be the employer rather than the employee. Business owners are revered, while minimum wage workers are considered under-achieving, or oppressed.

I believe in equal opportunity and capitalism. However, true fulfillment and happiness means being able to make choices that make us proud to be human. When Jesus boldly announced that He had come to bring us an ABUNDANT LIFE, I'm quite sure He was not referring to the way our society operates today. God has so much more abundance in store for us than mere money can buy. A truly fulfilled person would have happy relationships, fond memories, beautiful stories to tell of how people were healed and made whole. A truly fulfilled person would look back with pride and dignity over their choices and the work they had done for the betterment of our world. But we sell ourselves short. We dedicate every last breathe, muscle, and neuron to the pursuit of accumulating positions and possessions. And the result is emptiness.

We allow ourselves to be fooled. We give into the deception of the disguise. The ideals of the culture pose as angels of light. When we are frantically late for work again, we fail to recognize that we're operating based on fear of losing money and position. We fail to notice that we're trampling on our most precious relationships in our family as we seize the car keys with a sarcastic remark and stomp out the front door. We don't see that we're snuffing out what could be moments of joy, connection, hope, and relationship.

It's time to take off the disguise that America has placed on financial wealth. I choose to begin by facing the truth each day as I prioritize. I ask myself the important questions: "Is this all about money again? Or am I focused on what really matters to me and to God?"

"Pay Yourself First"

They always say to put your own oxygen mask on first, before your child's or anyone else's. There's a reason for that. It's called common sense.